Update

This is an update to two previous posts - The Great Groundhog and The Toaster.

Getting ready to go out tonight. I decided maybe I should get the toaster out of the litter box (She already has seen it, but why add more fuel to her thinking I'm strange?). So, I removed the toaster and that made Bear happier. Diablo still hasn't bothered the new toaster.

Then I started thinking: "Why not use one problem to solve another problem?"

I put the Oster toaster part way down the large groundhog entry in the backyard. I took Diablo over and showed it to him. Here's my scheme: Diablo will "pee" on the Oster toaster, leaving the scent there. The groundhog will stay away. Seems simple. But then, so did all of Wile E. Coyote's plans to get the roadrunner.

The Great Groundhog

It statred over a year ago. My own version of "Caddyshack."

I noticed a groundhog in my backyard and later discovered he had burrowed under the handicap ramp from the deck. Then I discovered a huge, deep hole near the center of the yard. I decided he had to go after a friend told me about an area near his house collapsing like a great sinkhole due to a colony of groundhogs.

I tried everything.

I ran water into the hole, hoping a flood would cause him to move. Groundhogs don't have flood insurance, do they?

I waited for him with a 16 gauge shotgun. He was fast. He now had a slight limp, but he was still there.

I looked up remedies on the Internet. I found one which called for sticking a hose as far down the burrow as possible. Then you pour ammonia down the hose, followed immediately by chlorine bleach. You do this during the day. The groundhog is supposed to be home, sleeping. The concoction creates poison gas. I guess this guy had a gas mask.

Next, I tried firecrackers thrown in the burrow. And, a huge firework that launched flaming, colored, exploding balls was stuffed in the hole. I didn't see the groundhog for a few days. I think he went to Miracle Ear.

Back to the Internet. I found another mixture of household chemicals. I poured this into the burrow as directed. Then I lit the fuse on a firecracker and threw that in the hole. Luckily, I didn't stand in line with the hole. The firecracker went off followed almost at the same time by a large "Whoompf" sound and a flame about 5-6 feet long shot out of the hole. Checking the hole by the ramp, I discovered the ground was scorched. Flame must have shot out of there as well. This mixture was a crude "rocket fuel." No groundhog! Three days later, there he was. I guess he had equipment for that, too. There he was, defiantly standing in the yard. I swear he had an insolent grin on his face! And, was it my imagination? Or did he really have a "NASA" patch on his arm?

My friend, Jim, suggested I pour gasoline down the burrows and throw in a match. I thought about it... for maybe ten seconds. "I'm not doing that! The burrow runs under my deck. I'll burn the house down."
"Yeah, but you'll get the groundhog."

I plugged the smaller hole by the deck ramp with gravel. I dropped a cement block in the larger hole. The cement block went almost all the way into the hole, lengthwise. The groundhog was not fazed. He threw the gravel out. One night I saw him standing by the larger hole. "Ha! I thought, you can't move a cement block, can you?" He stared at me with that insolent grin. I went for the shotgun. He was gone. When I checked the hole I found that he had dug under and around the cement block. The block was now completely below ground level and his burrow opening was along side the block. This wise-ass was really getting me pissed!

My ever helpful friend told me he had a quarter stick of dynamite. He suggested I put that in the burrow. I thought about it...for about ten seconds. "I'd have a crater in my yard."
"Yeah, but you'll get the groundhog."

I tried a few more of the "remedies" from my Internet searches. None of them worked and the groundhog seemed to get bolder and more insolent. Was it just my anger, or did I really hear the sound of a TV coming from the burrow late one night? The next day I found an empty "Netflix" envelope by the burrow.

By now, winter was here. Groundhogs hibernate. I waited until I was pretty sure he was in his burrow, hibernating. I mixed another concoction which claimed to produce poison gas. I plugged the hole by the ramp. I poured the concoction down the other hole and plugged that hole. "That will get him while he's sleeping," I thought.

I gave little thought to the groundhog through the winter. I hate winter and I spent most of the time with such things as shoveling snow. Then the talking heads started talking about "Groundhog Day." I decided, "If that groundhog is back this year I don't care about his shadow...but he's sure gonna see his maker."

I had a lot of work done on my house and didn't see the groundhog or think about him much. But, there he was in May as insolent as ever.

I wasn't going to repeat any of the remedies. If it didn't work the first time, why keep doing it? Back to the Internet. I found a site advertising "coyote scent." The site claimed groundhogs won't live where another animal lives. "Buy our coyote scent in 2-oz bottle for just $60 plus shipping and handling." No way would I pay $60 for coyote pee. Then a light bulb came on over my head! "I wonder....." My brain was spinning, concocting the plan. I have 4 cats. Three use the great outdoors as their "bathroom." The fourth is strange. She goes outside, then runs in and uses the litter box (These strange cats and how I got them is a story for another time). Bear, the litter box cat, was a bit upset. I didn't clean the litter box for a week. Then I dumped it down the groundhog burrow near the ramp. I waited a week and dumped it down the hole in the center of the yard. I repeated this process. It's been two weeks and I haven't seen the groundhog. Could it be? Did I find a practical use for cat poop? Time will tell.

I told my friend, Jim, about this possible remedy. He said, "If that doesn't work, why don't you go out to Broadway and catch a few rats? You can stuff them down the burrow entrances along with some rodent food. The groundhog won't live where rats live." I thought about it....for ten seconds. "I'm not going to do that. I'd have rats living in my yard."
"Yeah, but you'll get the groundhog out of there."

The Toaster

My friend just left. She said to me, "Bill, you're one of the most intriguing but strange men I've ever known. So, even though I'll probably regret it, I've got to ask: Why do you have a toaster in the cat litter box?"

Ahh, it's a long story. Back when the kitchen remod got finished, I bought a new toaster - an Oster all electronic and modernistic looking thing. My little black cat, Diablo, (being the strange cat he is) took an instant dislike for the toaster - actually a real hatred. Every chance he got he would jump up on the counter and "pee" on the toaster. I'd find it, clean up the puddle and take him to the litter box. Then I'd run the toaster thru the dishwasher, letting it dry for 3-4 days before using it. Slowly, the thermostat started getting screwed up until, finally, it had to be cranked all the way to get "light" toast. The LEDs started lighting randomly. This damn thing cost something like $50-60 !

I gave up on the Oster. I bought a new toaster without all the bells and whistles - a Sunbeam - for $19.95. It looks similar to the Oster and works well for toast. Diablo hasn't bothered it.

The litter box is used by Runty and Pedro only for "emergencies." Bear uses it after she comes in from outside (yeah, she's strange, too). Diablo used the Oster toaster. So, what would you do to get Diablo to use the litter box? I had just watched the movie where the former CIA guy taught his cat to use the toilet by making a litter box that fit the toilet. I thought, "Why don't I adapt that for Diablo?" I decided I'd put the Oster toaster in the litter box.

It hasn't worked. Bear is po'ed and Diablo looks at the thing with total disdain. I *think* that the Oster toaster must have emitted a sound that Diablo didn't like?. Naturally, it's not plugged in now that it's in the litter box. Hmm, maybe I'll run a cord to it.....