Heroes

"Hero" is becoming one of the most misused/overused words. I think this misuse/overuse is causing real heroes to be somewhat devalued.

A good example of this is the guard at the Nat'l Holocaust Museum. He was killed and that is truly tragic. But he wasn't a hero! He opened and held the door for an approaching elderly man. The man entered, pulled a rifle out from under his coat, and shot the guard. Period. The guard was dead. He did nothing "heroic." Other guards heard the shot and they shot the assailant.

What a night!

I gave up smoking, drinking, and women last night.

It was the worst fifteen minutes of my life.

Scratches

Why is it that you always seem to sweat where you have scratches? And sweat in scratches stings!

I almost never sweat on my back - but I have some scratches on my back - so now....

Wondering

What is it with women and newspapers?

A man picks up a newspaper and within one minute the woman with him has to start talking to him.

Update

This is an update to two previous posts - The Great Groundhog and The Toaster.

Getting ready to go out tonight. I decided maybe I should get the toaster out of the litter box (She already has seen it, but why add more fuel to her thinking I'm strange?). So, I removed the toaster and that made Bear happier. Diablo still hasn't bothered the new toaster.

Then I started thinking: "Why not use one problem to solve another problem?"

I put the Oster toaster part way down the large groundhog entry in the backyard. I took Diablo over and showed it to him. Here's my scheme: Diablo will "pee" on the Oster toaster, leaving the scent there. The groundhog will stay away. Seems simple. But then, so did all of Wile E. Coyote's plans to get the roadrunner.

An open letter to our nation's leadership

These are briefly my views and issues for which I seek representation:

1. Illegal Immigration. I want you to stop coddling illegal immigrants and secure our borders. Close the underground tunnels. Stop the violence and the trafficking in drugs and people. No amnesty, not again. Been there, done that, no resolution. P.S., I'm not a racist. This isn't to be confused with legal immigration.
   


2. The TARP Bill. I want it repealed and I want no further funding supplied to it. We told you no, but you did it anyway. I want the remaining unfunded 95% repealed. Freeze, repeal.
   


3. Czars. I want the circumvention of our checks and balances stopped immediately. Fire the czars. No more czars. Government officials answer to the process, not to the president. Stop trampling on our Constitution and honor it.
   


4. Cap & Trade. The debate on global warming is not over. There is more to say.
   


5. Universal Healthcare. I will not be rushed into another expensive decision. Don't you dare try to pass this in the middle of the night and then go on break. Slow down!
   


6. Growing Government Control. I want states rights and sovereignty fully restored. I want less government in my life, not more. Shrink it down. Mind your own business. You have enough to take care of with your real obligations. Why don't you start there.
   


7. ACORN. I do not want ACORN and its affiliates in charge of our 2010 census. I want them investigated. I also do not want mandatory escrow fees contributed to them every time on every real estate deal that closes. Stop the funding to ACORN and its affiliates pending impartial audits and investigations. I do not trust them with taking the census over with our taxpayer money. I don't trust them with our taxpayer money. Face up to the allegations against them and get it resolved before taxpayers get any more involved with them. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, hello. Stop protecting your political buddies. You work for us, the people. Investigate.
   


8. Redistribution of Wealth. No, no, no. I work for my money. It is mine. I have always worked for people with more money than I have because they gave me jobs. That is the only redistribution of wealth that I will support. I never got a job from a poor person. Why do you want me to hate my employers? Why ‑‑ what do you have against shareholders making a profit?
   


9. Charitable Contributions. Although I never got a job from a poor person, I have helped many in need. Charity belongs in our local communities, where we know our needs best and can use our local talent and our local resources. Butt out, please. We want to do it ourselves.
   


10. Corporate Bailouts. Knock it off. Sink or swim like the rest of us. If there are hard times ahead, we'll be better off just getting into it and letting the strong survive. Quick and painful. Have you ever ripped off a Band‑Aid? We will pull together. Great things happen in America under great hardship. Give us the chance to innovate. We cannot disappoint you more than you have disappointed us.
    


11. Transparency & Accountability. How about it? No, really, how about it? Let's have it. Let's say we give the buzzwords a rest and have some straight honest talk. Please try ‑‑ please stop manipulating and trying to appease me with clever wording. I am not the idiot you obviously take me for. Stop sneaking around and meeting in back rooms making deals with your friends. It will only be a prelude to your criminal investigation. Stop hiding things from me.
    


12. Unprecedented Quick Spending. Stop it now. Take a breath. Listen to the people. Let's just slow down and get some input from some nonpoliticians on the subject. Stop making everything an emergency. Stop speed reading our bills into law.

I am not an activist. I am not a community organizer. Nor am I a terrorist, a militant or a violent person. I am a parent and a grandparent. I work. I'm busy. I'm busy. I am busy, and I am tired. I thought we elected competent people to take care of the business of government so that we could work, raise our families, pay our bills, have a little recreation, complain about taxes, endure our hardships, pursue our personal goals, cut our lawn, wash our cars on the weekends and be responsible contributing members of society and teach our children to be the same all while living in the home of the free and land of the brave.

I entrusted you with upholding the Constitution. I believed in the checks and balances to keep from getting far off course. What happened? You are very far off course. Do you really think I find humor in the hiring of a speed reader to unintelligently ramble all through a bill that you signed into law without knowing what it contained? I do not. It is a mockery of the responsibility I have entrusted to you. It is a slap in the face. I am not laughing at your arrogance. Why is it that I feel as if you would not trust me to make a single decision about my own life and how I would live it but you should expect that I should trust you with the debt that you have laid on all of us and our children. We did not want the TARP bill. We said no. We would repeal it if we could. I am sure that we still cannot. There is such urgency and recklessness in all of the recent spending.

From my perspective, it seems that all of you have gone insane. I also know that I am far from alone in these feelings. Do you honestly feel that your current pursuits have merit to patriotic Americans? We want it to stop. We want to put the brakes on everything that is being rushed by us and forced upon us. We want our voice back. You have forced us to put our lives on hold to straighten out the mess that you are making. We will have to give up our vacations, our time spent with our children, any relaxation time we may have had and money we cannot afford to spend on you to bring our concerns to Washington. Our president often knows all the right buzzword is unsustainable. Well, no kidding. How many tens of thousands of dollars did the focus group cost to come up with that word? We don't want your overpriced words. Stop treating us like we're morons.

We want all of you to stop focusing on your reelection and do the job we want done, not the job you want done or the job your party wants done. You work for us and at this rate I guarantee you not for long because we are coming. We will be heard and we will be represented. You think we're so busy with our lives that we will never come for you? We are the formerly silent majority, all of us who quietly work , pay taxes, obey the law, vote, save money, keep our noses to the grindstone and we are now looking up at you. You have awakened us, the patriotic spirit so strong and so powerful that it had been sleeping too long. You have pushed us too far. Our numbers are great. They may surprise you. For every one of us who will be there, there will be hundreds more that could not come. Unlike you, we have their trust. We will represent them honestly, rest assured. They will be at the polls on voting day to usher you out of office. We have cancelled vacations. We will use our last few dollars saved. We will find the representation among us and a grassroots campaign will flourish. We didn't ask for this fight. But the gloves are coming off. We do not come in violence, but we are angry. You will represent us or you will be replaced with someone who will. There are candidates among us when hewill rise like a Phoenix from the ashes that you have made of our constitution.

Democrat, Republican, independent, libertarian. Understand this. We don't care. Political parties are meaningless to us. Patriotic Americans are willing to do right by us and our Constitution and that is all that matters to us now. We are going to fire all of you who abuse power and seek more. It is not your power. It is ours and we want it back. We entrusted you with it and you abused it. You are dishonorable. You are dishonest. As Americans we are ashamed of you. You have brought shame to us. If you are not representing the wants and needs of your constituency loudly and consistently, in spite of the objections of your party, you will be fired. Did you hear? We no longer care about your political parties. You need to be loyal to us, not to them. Because we will get you fired and they will not save you. If you do or can represent me, my issues, my views, please stand up. Make your identity known. You need to make some noise about it. Speak up. I need to know who you are. If you do not speak up, you will be herded out with the rest of the sheep and we will replace the whole damn congress if need be one by one. We are coming. Are we coming for you? Who do you represent? What do you represent? Listen. Because we are coming. We the people are coming.

Sign the Petition

_{Reprinted from The Glenn Beck Program}

Dish Network

Dish Network sent me a card: "THANK YOU FOR BEING A VALUED CUSTOMER!"

I thought that was nice. I wanted to respond right away and I didn't have any cards. I hope they won't think it's tacky. I crossed out "CUSTOMER" and wrote in "COMPANY." Then I mailed it back to them.

PETA

I can't believe it! PETA is upset that Obama killed a fly!

http://www.shortnews.com/start.cfm?id=79213

That reminds me. A woman I know was talking about wearing fur and such. She was fanatical and I hate fanatics of any type (in fact, you might say I'm fanatical about disliking fanatics). I told her, "I'm a member of PETA."
"You are?"
"Yeah, People Eating Tasty Animals."

The Great Groundhog

It statred over a year ago. My own version of "Caddyshack."

I noticed a groundhog in my backyard and later discovered he had burrowed under the handicap ramp from the deck. Then I discovered a huge, deep hole near the center of the yard. I decided he had to go after a friend told me about an area near his house collapsing like a great sinkhole due to a colony of groundhogs.

I tried everything.

I ran water into the hole, hoping a flood would cause him to move. Groundhogs don't have flood insurance, do they?

I waited for him with a 16 gauge shotgun. He was fast. He now had a slight limp, but he was still there.

I looked up remedies on the Internet. I found one which called for sticking a hose as far down the burrow as possible. Then you pour ammonia down the hose, followed immediately by chlorine bleach. You do this during the day. The groundhog is supposed to be home, sleeping. The concoction creates poison gas. I guess this guy had a gas mask.

Next, I tried firecrackers thrown in the burrow. And, a huge firework that launched flaming, colored, exploding balls was stuffed in the hole. I didn't see the groundhog for a few days. I think he went to Miracle Ear.

Back to the Internet. I found another mixture of household chemicals. I poured this into the burrow as directed. Then I lit the fuse on a firecracker and threw that in the hole. Luckily, I didn't stand in line with the hole. The firecracker went off followed almost at the same time by a large "Whoompf" sound and a flame about 5-6 feet long shot out of the hole. Checking the hole by the ramp, I discovered the ground was scorched. Flame must have shot out of there as well. This mixture was a crude "rocket fuel." No groundhog! Three days later, there he was. I guess he had equipment for that, too. There he was, defiantly standing in the yard. I swear he had an insolent grin on his face! And, was it my imagination? Or did he really have a "NASA" patch on his arm?

My friend, Jim, suggested I pour gasoline down the burrows and throw in a match. I thought about it... for maybe ten seconds. "I'm not doing that! The burrow runs under my deck. I'll burn the house down."
"Yeah, but you'll get the groundhog."

I plugged the smaller hole by the deck ramp with gravel. I dropped a cement block in the larger hole. The cement block went almost all the way into the hole, lengthwise. The groundhog was not fazed. He threw the gravel out. One night I saw him standing by the larger hole. "Ha! I thought, you can't move a cement block, can you?" He stared at me with that insolent grin. I went for the shotgun. He was gone. When I checked the hole I found that he had dug under and around the cement block. The block was now completely below ground level and his burrow opening was along side the block. This wise-ass was really getting me pissed!

My ever helpful friend told me he had a quarter stick of dynamite. He suggested I put that in the burrow. I thought about it...for about ten seconds. "I'd have a crater in my yard."
"Yeah, but you'll get the groundhog."

I tried a few more of the "remedies" from my Internet searches. None of them worked and the groundhog seemed to get bolder and more insolent. Was it just my anger, or did I really hear the sound of a TV coming from the burrow late one night? The next day I found an empty "Netflix" envelope by the burrow.

By now, winter was here. Groundhogs hibernate. I waited until I was pretty sure he was in his burrow, hibernating. I mixed another concoction which claimed to produce poison gas. I plugged the hole by the ramp. I poured the concoction down the other hole and plugged that hole. "That will get him while he's sleeping," I thought.

I gave little thought to the groundhog through the winter. I hate winter and I spent most of the time with such things as shoveling snow. Then the talking heads started talking about "Groundhog Day." I decided, "If that groundhog is back this year I don't care about his shadow...but he's sure gonna see his maker."

I had a lot of work done on my house and didn't see the groundhog or think about him much. But, there he was in May as insolent as ever.

I wasn't going to repeat any of the remedies. If it didn't work the first time, why keep doing it? Back to the Internet. I found a site advertising "coyote scent." The site claimed groundhogs won't live where another animal lives. "Buy our coyote scent in 2-oz bottle for just $60 plus shipping and handling." No way would I pay $60 for coyote pee. Then a light bulb came on over my head! "I wonder....." My brain was spinning, concocting the plan. I have 4 cats. Three use the great outdoors as their "bathroom." The fourth is strange. She goes outside, then runs in and uses the litter box (These strange cats and how I got them is a story for another time). Bear, the litter box cat, was a bit upset. I didn't clean the litter box for a week. Then I dumped it down the groundhog burrow near the ramp. I waited a week and dumped it down the hole in the center of the yard. I repeated this process. It's been two weeks and I haven't seen the groundhog. Could it be? Did I find a practical use for cat poop? Time will tell.

I told my friend, Jim, about this possible remedy. He said, "If that doesn't work, why don't you go out to Broadway and catch a few rats? You can stuff them down the burrow entrances along with some rodent food. The groundhog won't live where rats live." I thought about it....for ten seconds. "I'm not going to do that. I'd have rats living in my yard."
"Yeah, but you'll get the groundhog out of there."

TV Ads

Have you seen the ad for ServPro? A guy calls his insurance agent, "Bill, the pipes broke. There's water everywhere." The animated action figures from ServPro are shown with their bright green van - a man and a woman. At the end of the commercial the man is in the van. The woman is also in there. She slides the side door shut. Am I the only one who wonders what they're doing in the back of the van?

Thought on Medicine

Where do they come from? the latest I've seen advertised on TV is "Low T." I never heard of it before I saw the ads. Naturally, one of the major companies has a drug to treat this "Low T" malady.

I wonder - is this how it works: A drug company does all sorts of R&D only to have a drug fail. It's worthless. They're going to be out a bundle. No, wait! They create a malady this failed drug can treat. Advertise it enough and people will start to think they have the malady.

Another success! XXYY Drug Company cured this new malady!

The Toaster

My friend just left. She said to me, "Bill, you're one of the most intriguing but strange men I've ever known. So, even though I'll probably regret it, I've got to ask: Why do you have a toaster in the cat litter box?"

Ahh, it's a long story. Back when the kitchen remod got finished, I bought a new toaster - an Oster all electronic and modernistic looking thing. My little black cat, Diablo, (being the strange cat he is) took an instant dislike for the toaster - actually a real hatred. Every chance he got he would jump up on the counter and "pee" on the toaster. I'd find it, clean up the puddle and take him to the litter box. Then I'd run the toaster thru the dishwasher, letting it dry for 3-4 days before using it. Slowly, the thermostat started getting screwed up until, finally, it had to be cranked all the way to get "light" toast. The LEDs started lighting randomly. This damn thing cost something like $50-60 !

I gave up on the Oster. I bought a new toaster without all the bells and whistles - a Sunbeam - for $19.95. It looks similar to the Oster and works well for toast. Diablo hasn't bothered it.

The litter box is used by Runty and Pedro only for "emergencies." Bear uses it after she comes in from outside (yeah, she's strange, too). Diablo used the Oster toaster. So, what would you do to get Diablo to use the litter box? I had just watched the movie where the former CIA guy taught his cat to use the toilet by making a litter box that fit the toilet. I thought, "Why don't I adapt that for Diablo?" I decided I'd put the Oster toaster in the litter box.

It hasn't worked. Bear is po'ed and Diablo looks at the thing with total disdain. I *think* that the Oster toaster must have emitted a sound that Diablo didn't like?. Naturally, it's not plugged in now that it's in the litter box. Hmm, maybe I'll run a cord to it.....