A friend, who knew my father, said, “You have your father’s eyes.”
”No, I don’t. They were cremated with him.”
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Some Facts
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
Hardly seems worth it.
If you farted continuously for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
Now that's more like it!
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
O.M.G.!
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
In my next life, I want to be a pig.
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
Creepy. But I'm still not over the pig.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
Don't try this at home, maybe at work.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
"Honey, I'm home. What the....?!"
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Something I always wanted to know.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
Hmmmmmm......
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
Okay, so that would be a good thing.
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
I wonder who was paid to figure that out?
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
I know some people like that.
Starfish have no brains.
I know some people like that too.
Polar bears are left-handed.
If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
What about that pig??
Hardly seems worth it.
If you farted continuously for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
Now that's more like it!
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
O.M.G.!
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
In my next life, I want to be a pig.
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
Creepy. But I'm still not over the pig.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
Don't try this at home, maybe at work.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
"Honey, I'm home. What the....?!"
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Something I always wanted to know.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
Hmmmmmm......
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
Okay, so that would be a good thing.
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
I wonder who was paid to figure that out?
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
I know some people like that.
Starfish have no brains.
I know some people like that too.
Polar bears are left-handed.
If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
What about that pig??
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Rewriting History So Soon?
Watching the network Sun news shows, there seems to be a rewriting of history. Comment agreed by all on GS show: We went to war in Iraq to “free the Iraqi people from tyranny." Followed by: We went to war in Afghanistan to "remove the Taliban" from power.
Hmm. Seems to me Iraq was because Iraq "has weapons of mass destruction" and Afghanistan was to get Bin Laden and his cronies as revenge for 9/11. But then, Iraq didn't have WMDs and Bin Laden is still out there.
I guess if actions don't go as planned, change the reason for the actions to make it appear they went as planned?
In Praise of Older Men
Since my early dating days, my taste has always run toward older men. Significantly older.
First of all, an older man will always think you are amazingly beautiful. An older man just makes me feel like I'm some goddess sprung from the sea like Botticelli's Venus.
In addition, they are incredibly considerate lovers, and don't rush through sex like they're competing in the 50-yard sprint. They take their time and enjoy exploring every inch of your body, as someone appreciating a fine wine.
Happily, they are often interested in stimulating your mind as much as your body. The level of conversation is usually considerably higher than the men who are my contemporaries, and I love being able to learn new things from them.
They still feel it's OK to open doors for you, bring you flowers, and pay the bill when you go to dinner. Yes, of course I'm able to do all those things for myself, but why should I?
Older men enjoy taking care of me, and in turn I do caring things for them like cook fine meals, rub their shoulders when they're tense, and other things women are good at. With older men it's OK to be feminine, which I like.
One of the best things about older men is that they have learned enough to know that the woman is often right. And if they are really smart they let her have her way, even when she is wrong.
So while dating an older guy can have its drawbacks (like when you go out and people think you are father and daughter), there is still a lot to recommend it.
~ Laurel Avery
First of all, an older man will always think you are amazingly beautiful. An older man just makes me feel like I'm some goddess sprung from the sea like Botticelli's Venus.
In addition, they are incredibly considerate lovers, and don't rush through sex like they're competing in the 50-yard sprint. They take their time and enjoy exploring every inch of your body, as someone appreciating a fine wine.
Happily, they are often interested in stimulating your mind as much as your body. The level of conversation is usually considerably higher than the men who are my contemporaries, and I love being able to learn new things from them.
They still feel it's OK to open doors for you, bring you flowers, and pay the bill when you go to dinner. Yes, of course I'm able to do all those things for myself, but why should I?
Older men enjoy taking care of me, and in turn I do caring things for them like cook fine meals, rub their shoulders when they're tense, and other things women are good at. With older men it's OK to be feminine, which I like.
One of the best things about older men is that they have learned enough to know that the woman is often right. And if they are really smart they let her have her way, even when she is wrong.
So while dating an older guy can have its drawbacks (like when you go out and people think you are father and daughter), there is still a lot to recommend it.
~ Laurel Avery
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Official Announcement
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government.
A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
It just doesn't get more accurate than that!
A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
It just doesn't get more accurate than that!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Michael Jacksons death is so tragic -
- he touched so many children in so many special ways.
Michael Jackson did manage to whisper a brief message to paramedics on his way to the hospital… “put me on the children’s ward”
There are unconfirmed reports of people hearing Thriller playing backwards from the morgue - Apparently he’s de-composing.
Coroners office just released a statement saying that they are going to melt down Michael’s body and turn him into plastic toys so kids can play with him for a change.
When Farah arrived at the pearly gates God granted her 1 wish. Farah thought for a minute and said “I wish for the children to be safe”. God paused, smiled and then told her… “The children are safe… i just killed Michael Jackson”
Early reports are that the hospital does not know what to do with the body, as plastic recycling is not collected until next Thursday.
When Michael Jackson was taken to the hospital the maternity ward was immediately put on lockdown.
Like Michael Jackson always said. “Live fast, die young, leave a vaguely Vietnamese looking woman’s corpse”
MJ’s cardiac arrest was brought about when he found out that Boyz 2 Men were a boy band and not a delivery service.
The End
For a dear little girl,
Oh, she's no girl, but a witch
Always begging for mercy
Damned dumb stupid bitch.
She's tried every trick in the book,
"Oh cruel world!" is her trademark lure
I'll say it's cruel-
How did I get a Bitch like her?
She won't go away
Won't leave me alone,
God, what did I do wrong?????
Will I always be bitch prone?
Go to hell little child,
Soon, time's flyin' by.
I can't wait
Until in your coffin you lie.
Course it won't be the first time you've lied,
To anyone besides me.
Too many lies, too much confusion,
Without you, I'm free.
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