Theory on Women

1. Pay Dues and No Membership

   Women know that Nice-guys stay alert to help any woman in need. Nice-guys are delusional if they think that by helping any woman with what ever she needs that she will see him as “good boyfriend material.” This extends all the way from letting her pull into traffic in front of you (when she’s a stranger) to helping her move to a different apartment (when you're her best friend). When in reality, all she really sees you as is a tool that anyone can just use because they have little respect for you - so why should she be any different. You will “be there for her” like a best friend and that’s the way she will treat you. She might even say: "You're such a doll for doing this for me.." Which translates to: You are a like a stuffed animal toy that she hugs when she feels lonely or needs to cry.. When something more interesting or exciting comes around, she quickly loses interest and puts you back on the shelf until next time she needs you. You will keep paying the emotional, physical, and mental dues, and receive no boyfriend membership and benefits for your efforts.

   The next time a girl calls and asks for a favor, ask yourself:
   
   W.W.J.D.: "What would a Jerk do?"
   No, not to be confused with the W.W.J.D.: "What would Jesus do?"
   
   Remember, Jesus was the ultimate Nice-guy and the people nailed him to a cross. -Ouch! This proves that even 2,000 years ago it was painful to be a Nice-guy.
   
   I think it's less painful to be a Jerk!
   
   

2. Play 20 Questions

   This is a classical first date test. You think everything is going great on the date because the conversation keeps going. The only reason the conversation keeps going is because she is playing 20 questions with you. She is asking you everything from your favorite color to your mother's maiden name. You willingly tell her EVERYTHING and think: "Wow, I've got such a great rapport with this woman; she's really interested in me because she keeps asking me questions."
   
   The problem is that she needs mystery in the relationship. If you tell her everything about yourself on the 1st date, don't wonder why you're not getting a second one. Whether she is asking these questions because she is testing you to see how much you will reveal about yourself (or genuinely interested in asking), you need to give short answers and get out of this mode as quickly as possible in order to save yourself and the potential future dates.
   
   The more you are on "Play" (re-playing your old "fun" memories for her and making your conversation sound like a documentary about yourself) instead of "Record" (recording the fun intensity of the moment you are in now by doing spontaneous and adventurous things) the faster the relationship will crash and burn before it even gets off the ground. Nice-guys think if they tell her about all the fun they had in the past, he will appear to be a good prospect of fun in the future. Do you think she wants to come over on the 1st or second date and watch home movies of you and all your fun in the past? Or do you think she wants you to create some fun memories with her so you both can play them in your minds for years to come? I'm here to tell you that women think just like the warning found on a mutual fund ad: "Past performance is no guarantee of future performance."
   
   She knows the only way she will be attracted to you as a fun, spontaneous, unpredictable, adventurous guy is to see if you act that way around her now, not just in your past around other people.
   
   

3. The Acid Test Question: (this one is so important and relationship changing that it had to have its own number):
   
   When all is going right in a relationship and you're wondering if the woman is going to have sex with you - beware! She might try and throw a monkey wrench in the works by asking you one tiny little relationship altering, destiny changing question. She will say something along the lines of:
   "Have you ever fantasized about us together?";
   "Do you think you'd ever do it with me?";
   "Do you ever think about having sex with me?" or
   "Have you ever thought about us making love?"
   Most guys think this is an easy question which will take them one step closer to having sex with her. They quickly answer with a confident "yes" and think that this all too easy.
   
   The problem is that when she knows that she can have you, before she has had you, the chances of you having sex with her went from 90% down to 10% in a heartbeat. So therefore, realize that you will be giving yourself such an incredible and instant, social setback that you should answer ANYTHING but yes!
   
   By the way, don't answer no either. If you do, she will think that you are lying or that you are gay (or both). The 10% chance (you had by answering yes) looks really good now! She knows that if you are giving her any amount of attention (like going on a date) that you are sexually interested in her. If you weren't sexually interested in her you would have skimmed right past her like that minimum wage job in the help wanted section.
   
   With that in mind, the next time you're asked if you thought about the two of you having sex before it actually happens, try answering with something smart ass and cocky like:
   "Well that's for me to know and you to find out..";
   "Who every said you could afford me?";
   "Well, you've got good potential, but you might have to do a better job on selling me on it."; or
   "Yeah, I dreamed about it and in the dream you couldn't keep up, so you better do something to increase your endurance before we even try to have sex. Maybe take a few aerobic classes or something.."
   
   What you are letting her know is that you are not hungry. You are also communicating to her that she can't afford you and you've had better than her. You're presenting yourself as being expensive and it's going to take more on her part if she wants your attention. You're showing her that you are not an easy sell or an easy kill. You're demonstrating to her that you're comfortable enough, confident enough and experienced enough around women to be playful in a fun teasing way.
   
   This teasing is what makes the sexual intensity skyrocket because you are holding her back from getting the instant gratification she so desperately craves. Make sure she gets her instant gratification from shopping and Nice-guys, not from you.
   

4. Reverse Passion Play:
   
   This is where the woman tries to tell you how busy she is with her life. She has her career, possibly graduate school with homework, her friends, her family, her cats and on and on. She takes what I said about: .Making yourself a Challenge. and uses it against you. She tries to sell you on the idea that her life is so busy with her passions, hobbies, interests and commitments that the only chance you have of being around her is to just get in line behind EVERYTHING else. If you find a woman who does this or at least presents herself this way, it is either a social smoke screen to see if you are intimidated by her strong feminine life or bunch of crap and lies (or both). If the right guy came around and created feelings of attraction in her, she would leave all of the passions, hobbies, interests and commitments in order to try to be first in your line rather than warning you that you have to be in the back of the line in her life. This is where the Jerk can get almost any woman to miss meetings at work, cancel out on her friends and lie to her family in order to get another taste of what she knows she can't have(him) and satisfy her uncontrollable, unstoppable, biological urge and addiction to be with him.
   

5. Sorry, Members Only:
   
   I've come to the conclusion that your sex life with any woman is indirectly proportional to the relationship she has with her parents. In other words, the better the relationship she has with her parents, the worse the quality and quantity of your sex life is going to be. This will put you into the "sex 2-3 times a month or 2-3 times a year" category.
   
   On the other hand, if she comes from a broken home, her father left when she was young, or her mother disowned her years ago, get prepared for the best sex of your life. She will have such an unquenchable sexual appetite that she will wear you out. This will result in you being in the "sex 2-3 times a week or 2-3 times a day" category. Maybe she has sex as a way to make up for the physical love, emotional support and acceptance she didn't get from her parents.
   
   Yeah, like you're really going to care about the reasons!
   
   There's at least one of these girls in every circle of friends. The guy she is going out with doesn't deserve half the sex he's getting. He thinks he's a stud, when in reality he doesn't understand that he has nothing to do with his girlfriend getting hot and horny. He's just happens to be the closest warm body to put out her "fire in the hole." This guy is in for a big let down when he moves on to the next girl who isn't so naturally horny. As a result, the sex will be given out with an eye dropper because he doesn't know how to create the feelings of attraction in her.
   

6. You're Just The Stunt Double:
   
   This one is 3 dimensional. Don't just think because a woman has a great time with you and really seems interested that you should be heading for the jewelry store for an engagement ring.

1. She might be on the rebound from a relationship and her friends told her to "dance with a stranger" in order to help forget about her heartache.


2. Even worse, she might not be officially broken up with her boyfriend yet and just be looking for revenge for the evening. It could be dirty dancing, kissing or a one night stand with you, but by the next day she has changed back into a pumpkin and won't even remember your name.


3. And worst of all, she keeps you around for a while for a short term relationship and gets your hopes up. You later find out that the entire relationship was a facade and you might as well been in a Hollywood movie. You're just a stunt double that she bounced up and down on for a while until the real "leading man" came back into her life.
   
   
7. Out of the Blue Booty Call:
   
   This is a 2-parter. If some woman that you've dated before or just happen to know suddenly calls you out of the blue for a late night booty call. Be careful that she isn't just horny and lonely. Don't look at this as:"Well I knew she would come to her senses!" Rather she could be in trouble.
   
1. She might already be looking for protection from something she did that day or week. Now she needs you to step up and defend her and get her out of trouble especially if she needs you to leave right away and come get her.
   
2. She could also be pregnant and need you to have sex with her as quickly as possible. You think it's great and you use 3 kinds of protection. However, within the next few days, she informs you that the baby must be yours from the night of passion you both shared. See you on the talk show circuit with your D.N.A.samples!



8. Fair Weather Girlfriend:
   
   This is the classic case of the girl in high school that goes out with the football player during fall football season; the wrestler and basketball player during the winter season; the baseball player during the spring season and the life guard on summer vacation. Beware of this one because she has a greater interest in the letterman's jacket than the in the letterman himself.
   
   When she gets older she will sell her affection to the highest bidder. She will leave a trail of everything from jackets to jewelry as she "traded up" the social ladder. At best, you will be just one of the little people she stepped on to get to where she needed to go. I say save your money or at least get a receipt. This way you can ask for a refund back at the store for your gifts. She is certain to discard them just as sure as the next season changes.
   
   
9. Whole lot a jerking going on:
   
   If someone gives you a jerk in a certain direction it shifts your body and mind to focus on what just happened. I say that a Jerk in the Social Marketplace is someone that comes in to a woman's life and shakes up the complacency.
   
   He gets her to focus on what he wants to do by "jerking her around."
   He alters her destiny by "jerking her around."
   He gets on her mind by giving a jerk (or a twist) to her reality.
   
   Most people (especially women) are bored and waiting for something to jolt them. Women want to be anything but bored. This is why soap operas and romance novels hold a woman's attention so well. There is so much "jerking" going on and the women love it. The characters get "jerked" in one direction and as soon as they get too comfortable, they get "jerked" in another direction with a whole new batch of excitement and problems.
   
   If you see that your woman is more interested in her romance novels and soap operas, you know that she is secretly crying out to live the drama instead of just reading about it and watching it on TiVo.
   
   Jerks "jerk" people from one extreme to the other and have the relationship bouncing up and down like an E.K.G. Nice-guys stay in a straight line - a "flat line!" And that is why their relationships with women "flat line" and die.
   
   
10. Double Agent:
    
    You've heard phrase: "It's the quiet ones you gotta watch."
    
    This is so true with women because it is so easy for them to give you a false impression of themselves.
    
    Women have so many moods, personalities and emotions that you need a scorecard to keep up. What if I told you that the quite reserved woman at work was yelling and screaming her head off last night at a rock and roll concert? --Only to be followed by a night of yelling and screaming her head off during sweaty, passionate sex.
    
    Most women live out their alter egos and share them only with their closest friends and lovers. They will give you the false impression that they look like and act like the quiet librarian who would rather stay in and read her novels, but most of these women have enough built up sexual energy to light up a city. She just never found the right outlet for it.
    Don't accept the quiet reserved personality you see at face value because she might act completely different behind closed doors in private.
    
    
11. Marking the Territory:
    
    This one is 4 dimensional.
    
1. Sometimes when a woman doesn't know if you are playing the field or dating her exclusively she will "mark the territory." She will do this by purposely dropping something under the car seat or couch to see if any other girls have left anything behind (from earrings to a bra). If she finds something, she will question it and you better hope that you have a roommate to blame it on or your sister crashed at your place last night.


2. She will be the one leaving something behind for another woman to find hoping you will get caught in her trap.


3. She will leave something behind like an extra earring (that she wasn't wearing that day) under the car seat and then on the next date pretend to find it and ask you whose it is. She just wants to see if you are going to cough up any names of other girlfriends that you might have had in your car in between the dates with her. I remember I learned this one by finding the earring that my date left behind when I cleaned my car. On the next date, it was hilarious to see her looking for it under the seat as she couldn't wait to question me about it. The only problem with her plan was that the earring was already moved by me. I said: "If you're looking for the earring you left behind, it's in the glove compartment." She was speechless.


4. When you get to the point in the relationship where you move in together or get married, a woman will usually want to start by leaving some of her personal items at your place to mark the territory. It will start off with her leaving anything behind from an extra hair brush or tooth brush and then it will escalate to cosmetics and tampons. Before you know it she is slowly redecorating by changing your drapes and buying you some hand towels for the bathroom. You respond with: "I'm a guy, what do I need a hand towel for?"
   
   Then you really know you're in trouble when she buys a bed set with a flower pattern on it. Of course, you don't notice the flowery bed spread for a while because she met you at the door wearing nothing but lingerie or just one of your white dress shirts. She has the best sex of your life with you in every room except the bedroom. The next day when you finally find the bedspread, she meets you there and decides to give you a repeat performance of the night before. And once again you seem to forget abut the flowers that you are laying on! Until one day you just wake up and ask her: "Honey, when did we get a bed spread with flowers on it?"



12. Lover's Spat:
    
    Beware of the woman that just starts arguments even when things are going great. She needs to see a "show of strength" from her man to fight back. This will give her a feeling of security. Just like saying: "I love you," some women need this reinforcement once a day, once a week, once a month or maybe just once a year. Be aware of how often she needs this reinforcement and decide if it's a level you can accept and live with. She might even be getting into arguments for no other reason except to have the "make-up sex."
    
    Well, every once in a while there's some benefits to this craziness.
    
    
13. Two Tickets to Paradise:
    
    By the way, neither one of these tickets has your name on it, but you're supposed wish your woman a good time as she and at least one friend are headed to a vacation destination without you. These girlfriend vacations are worse than a "girl's night out" and a bachelorette party combined because it involves multiple nights and a greater distance away from home. In other words, what's going to happen on vacation is going to stay on vacation. You are supposed to be the drug she is addicted to, not the everyday seriousness that needs a break from.
    
    She needs to have her friends, but in my book, vacation time is couple time. You'll never find out the truth (nor do you really want to know the truth) about what went on during her vacation. It's best that you either go with her on vacation; get everyone to go as couples or just talk her out of going all together. If all else fails, be sure to call up your buddies and schedule a trip of your own. Then decide if you really want to be with a woman who is going to spend thousands of dollars just to get away from you and create fun memories when you are hundreds or thousands of miles away.
    
    
14. Daddy's Little Devil:
    
    You should watch the way a woman treats and interacts wit her dad or father figure in her life.
    
    Take a lesson from her because she has been watching like a hawk in the way that you treat your mom or mother figure in you life. Most women believe that they will eventually be treated the same way you treat your mother. The downside is if you are too close to you mother you are going to be known as a "Mama's boy." On the other hand, if you haven't talked to your mother in years (by choice) or it takes such a great effort to just call her on Mother's Day, her birthday and Christmas, then this might raise a red flag to a woman as well. For this very reason, some say that over time, you will be getting the samelevel of respect that she has for her father. If she has himwrapped around her finger, chances are over time, she will haveyou wrapped around her finger as well.
    
    If she has her dad fooled by lying to him on a consistent basis and he is clueless to how she really is outside the house, chances are you will be in a similar denial about her someday as well. Even if she is 50+years old, she might be "Daddy's Little Girl" at home, but outside she is "Daddy's Little Devil."
    
    These are the types of women who are jumping around on stage winning amateur wet T-shirt contest at the bar on Saturday night and singing in the church choir Sunday morning.
    Be the one who she is getting into trouble with and not the responsible one who is bailing her out.
    
    Sports figures, especially in professional basketball keep saying things like: "I'm not a role model, just let me do my job and win games." With this in mind, I believe you can't be the "role-model-father-figure" and "lover" to the same woman. So pick up what costume you want first and let the other one sit there. The more you take the role of the responsible father figure in her life, the more she will rebel against you as well. Now you're the enemy instead of her fun time "partner in crime."